Behind The Scenes
by Clarobell
Summary: The crews away and not a single living person is on the ship... so why the hell is everything so noisy and who's that arguing on the deck? Why is there a french voice coming from the kitchen, and just who broke the railings? Pure crack. I dare you to read
1. Prologue

**Clarobell: Okay guys, this is a quick little apology fic for myself and Plushie not updating regularly lately. We love you all, our precious reviewers! Hope you enjoy. My only warning is that this is PURE crack. Enjoy!!**

**Plushie: Crackers? Anyone want some crackers? 83 **

**Behind The Scenes**

**Prologue**

You've all seen how the Straw hat crew interact, their adventures and what the people around them think about them… or have you? You haven't heard it from the ones that see them every day. A few minutes ago, the crew had left the ship unmanned, having docked at a small deserted island to collect some provisions for their next voyage, which promised to, as always, be an adventurous and dangerous one.

Silence reigned down on the little ship, her sails fluttering idly in the soft breeze, Jolly roger flicking back and forth as if attempting to get free but forever failing. Nothing was heard except the soft creaking of Merry's hull, and a ship full of inanimate objects ... or were they? After all, they say that in the Grand Line, the weirdest things can happen, right?

The Merry's main areas consisted of the deck, the galley, the cabins, storage and bathroom. Each room was used on a daily basis with its own purposes and uses, full of objects handled by the straw hat crew regularly. You all have your opinions of the Straw Hats, but what about the opinions of the ones that are with them all day, every day? Well… why don't you take a look and find out for yourself…

**Clarobell: Yeah, yeah, I know it's short, but they're more going to be drabbles than anything else. Interested? Want to read more?? Get and review then! Giddeup! XD **

**Plushie: Yeehaw! :B**


	2. Deck

**Clarobell: So, here is our first real chapter! A reminder people, pure crack ahead! Enjoy!!**

**Plushie: Bwaha, gotta love random ideas. :3 **

**Behind The Scenes**

**The deck**

The sun was high in the sky and still there was no sign of the crews return from their scavenging for food. All was silent as a light breeze rolled across the deck. That was until a certain railing decided she was tired of staying silent.

"Oi, Hull, can't you move a little so that I'm in the shade?" she whined. "It's hot out here, y'know, and my paint is cracking in all this sun!"

"Oh, stop your whining." The railing beside her snapped. "You're just bitchy because Roronoa-san didn't sleep against you today!"

"Well, it's not as if he slept against _you_ either!" the first railing barked back, angrily. "Mind you, who would want to sleep against such a dirty railing like you? You've still got marks from when Usopp-san's chemicals exploded the other day!"

"What?! Roronoa-san would rather sleep against me than you _any_ day!"

"Oi, you two," the mast interrupted, large structure groaning with the rocking of the ship. "Will you shut up? I'm trying to reach the sky."

"Oh, hush." The second railing muttered. "You know you don't grow, so you'll never touch the sky."

"You're just jealous because she's stronger than you." The floorboards spoke up, creaking laughter echoing along Merry's structure.

"You're one to talk, Planky." The first railing snorted. "All _you're_ good for is walking on. You let people walk all over you all day!"

"Is that so?" the floorboards replied, smirk evident in their voice. "Then why did Roronoa-san sleep on _me_ today?"

"Why you little--"

"Why the hell are you fighting over that lazy lump, anyway?" a barrel nearby the galley asked, sniffing indignantly. "Luffy-sama…" and she paused dramatically, sparkles shimmering around her curved wooden frame. "…sat on me today!"

"Ugh…" the mast groaned. "Not Luffy-sama _again_."

"Can't you talk about something else for a change?" the first railing whined. "We all love Luffy-sama, but this is just ridiculous!"

"Please stop fighting," the figurehead spoke up, softly. "The crew loves us all…"

"Says little miss prissy princess!" barked a railing nearby the figurehead. "Who gets to sit with Luffy-sama _every_ day!"

All of the commotion had woken the decks nails that held the floorboards together, and well, they were pretty proud of that fact. In fact, it's all they ever spoke about.

"We hold the ship together… we hold the ship together… we hold the ship together…" they sang out jovially.

"Well, I don't ask him to, it's just, Luffy-sama can get a pretty good view from on top of me…"

"Oh, shut up figurehead, you know you like it."

"Don't be so cruel, railings." Floorboard reprimanded.

"We hold the ship together… we hold the ship together… we hold the ship together…"

"Shut your mouth, floorboard, I'll be as cruel as I damn well please."

"Is this because Roronoa-san slept with me today?"

"So what if it is??"

"Luffy-saaammmmaaaaa!!"

"Shut up, barrel!"

"I'm sorry," figurehead muttered. "I didn't mean to cause an argument…"

"It wasn't your fault, sweetheart." Mast comforted.

"We hold the ship together… we hold the ship together… we hold the ship together…"

"Will you little pinpricks shut up?!" the railings all roared, rattling angrily.

"H-Hey…!" a voice called timidly from the top of the mast. "C-Can someone g-get me down? I'm af-fraid of h-heights!"

"You ask every day," sighed the sails. "And the answer is still the same. No."

"Figure heeead!" Jolly Roger wailed, miserably. "Sails' is picking on me again!"

"Sails," Figurehead sighed, "Please try to control yourself."

"Luffy-saaammmmaaaa!" Barrel cried as she rolled across the deck.

"Deeeeckchachachacha!" the Deckchair laughed loudly, "Barrel, you haven't seen anything yet, why, that Luffy-sama is nothing! I see more of the ladies than any of you ever will!"

"I don't care." Zoro's weights snapped dejectedly from across the deck. "I don't want to see any of them. I'm fat, I'm heavy, I hate my life!"

"Oh boy," Mast muttered. "There she goes again. She's so emo…"

"Where the hell is Roronoa-san?! I'm only useful when he's around…"

"Oh? Like Roronoa-san's hands wrapped around you, eh?" Railing sneered, before sobbing dramatically. "I know I would… Roronoa-san...!"

"If I could move away from you," the weights spat. "I would."

"Here!" Boomed the hull, shifting with the splashing waves. "Allow me to help you!"

With a rather violent jerk, the ship rocked strongly, sending the emo weights stumbling to the middle of the deck. One weight, however, having been laid slightly afar from the group, carried on rolling and with a sickening crunch smashed into a several of the railings, sending them all crashing into the choppy waters below. The Merry gasped.

"Hull!" Cried the first railing, utterly horrified. "What have you done?!"

"I-I'm sorry!"

"I can… see the light…" came a faint muttering from the railings now floating away. "It's so peaceful… I'm free…" and then they were crushed by a passing shark.

"Eww."

"…"

"So," Mast drawled. "Do you guys think this metal wrapping makes me look fat?"

**Clarobell: I don't know about you guys, but I feel like that barrel sometimes… reviews pleasums for fast updates!**

**Plushie: You mean you roll around obsessing about Luffy-sama? ... I'd rather be one of zoro's swords personally... the one he sticks in his mouth. :3 ... what? **


	3. Galley

**Plushie: Sorry about the little wait! :3 Hope you enjoy the next chapter of madness. **

**Clarobell: I would so date that spatula!**

**Behind The Scenes**

**The Galley**

The kitchen was quiet, the noise and commotion outside cut off as if it existed in it's own little world. A soft giggling broke the silence.

"I'm having an affair with the captain." the fridge announced, giggling again.

"For the last time, fridge, he only wants you for your food!" the cupboards yelled, rattling impatiently. Fridge had been on about this for a while now.

"LIARS!" she hissed in response, "All lies! The captain loves me, he told me so!"

"Yeah, like he loves his shoe." the tap snickered rather nastily like the insensitive drip it was.

"You're… so mean!" Fridge replied, sniffling a little.

"Oh please…" The cupboards sighed. As if on cue, due to the noise that was now echoing around the kitchen, the drawer began to rattle like a mad thing.

"Zis iz an OUTRAGE!" a muffled voice cried from the chef's spatula, "'Ow can Zanji-zan keep leaving me in zis… zis… PRIZON!"

"Frenchy, that accent is so fake. Give it up, would you?" the spoons yawned, spooning against each other boredly. Fridge giggled again in the background.

"The Captain was so desperate for me the other night! He was drooling, and staring at me with those big eyes... And then he reached out and grabbed my-"

"Would you give it a rest? He's. Not. Interested. In. You. He loves you for your food!" Usopp's latest invention piped up from the corner. Fridge sniffled a little.

"Why do you insist on denying our love!" she cried, bursting into tears.

"Merde. Now we 'ave to leesten to 'er balling all day again." the spatula called out in annoyance.

"I'm like... so hot." the stove piped up, adding her two cents worth into the general chaos of the room, "I could like, totally burn this place up in like... a second. And why do you like, drool over the captain when like, there's a much better man aboard to like, drool over?"

"Like who?" tap asked, sniffling as it dripped again, "Damn I wish I could get rid of this cold..."

"Like Sanji-kun, of course. He's like, so totally awesome." the oven sparkled, "His hands. He keeps trying to like, y'know, come onto me, but I just keep like, burning him." stove chuckled evilly.

"You know, that's more than a little scary." the light added.

"Who like, asked you!" stove hissed, "I'm like, the hottest thing in here!"

"That may be true, but the only person who comes near you is Sanji-san. Doesn't that tell you something?" the floorboards snickered nastily, "Not to mention we're always holding you up and lady, you sure aren't light."

"Ooh! Just you wait! One day I'll like, fix you you little imgrates!"

"Could we all calm down, please?" the door whispered, shaking a little, "Please don't upset anyone. I don't want to be smashed open again!"

"Sorry, door." everyone chorused.

"Can… I not go back into Luffy's mouth… please? It's scary in there…" one of the forks shuddered, "I feel like I'm never going to come out again…"

"How do you think _I _feel?" the table called out, "How many times have I been beaten up! I can't take the pressure! I'm gonna break soon! I feel like such a failure!" And she burst into tears which made the rest of the galley groan in mild annoyance. Table was always complaining about how beaten around she was.

There was mumbling from the cupboards from the cups and plates and such, but noone paid them any heed. After all, why bother listening to pointless mumbling? Suddenly, the ship rocked to the side and all objects in the room let out a terrified scream.

"Sacre bleu!" the spatula yelled from the drawer. There was a loud crunch from outside, and then a horrible silence fell over the ship.

"That didn't sound good…" the bench muttered.

"YA THINK!?" everything else in the room yelled before a soft, sweet voice made them all pause again and look to the cupboard, where one of the ceramic cups was teetering on the edge of her hook.

"Ha… I'm slipping! Please! I don't want to die!" she screamed.

"We'll break you!" the floorboards cried, "... I mean, we'll break your fall! Ha... ha ha..."

"Very funny, floorboards." Fridge commented in the background.

"Ah! No!" one of the plates cried, but it was too late. Cup's handle slid from her hook, and she was heading straight for the floor.

"My whole life is flashing before my-" SMASH! An eerie silence fell over the room. It didn't last long.

"… So, anyone up for a game of I, spy?" Table asked.

**Plushie: Poor cup. T-T her funeral will be next week if anyone wants to go. Reviews please! :D **

**Clarobell: T-T poor lil teacup… oh well! What did you think??**


End file.
